Van Halen – Hot or Not?

January 28, 2010 74 Comments

File this under “Humor” (Or Attempted Humor, at least):

A bloodthirsty roasted turkey, Turk, and mild-mannered midwestern man, Jim, comprise an unlikely duo. Episode 5 – Van Halen.

Filed Under: Humor, Van Halen

Dooley

Duck,

Make sure you crank out Summer Nights when the windows are all down, heh heh…

And yes, we know Dave is sooo not gay.

And the reason it’s so cold where you are now is global warming. Just think, we could start a whole new discussion and get into Gore, etc… on second thought, bad idea.
Tony

Dooley: SUMMER NIGHTS – Great song! “We finally made it through the cold… this freezin snow is gettin old.”
Man, they should have played that more in concert…

I’d believe that Elton John was straight before I believed that DLR is gay. No way!, he gets more punany than a gynecologist.

Not to beat a dead horse, (BUT I will anyway), with those signs, I was watching live without a net not too long ago, and you can see fans throwing signs, banners (and lots of bras & panties) on to the stage… No way that Hagar was writing those himself, in fact, in the same concert he later said, “I didn’t have anything to do with this, but this is really cool”, and he waived this huge banner with the red & white Diver Down album cover. The fans cheered. If that’s not giving props, then what is? I was at their 0U812 concert a couple years later, and I didn’t see one sign and Hagar didn’t have anything negative to say about Diamond Dave then either.

I assume those notorious, “David Lee WHO” signs were a fan’s attempt to encourage the ‘new guy’. Hey, Dave had the start to a promising solo career at the time and some people felt a bit betrayed. It’s not like fans are trying to hurt Roth’s feelings or degrade classic Halen. We write all kinds of stupid things on those concert signs. Fans are fickle too. I heard when Hagar released his one solo album, “Never Said Goodbye” (Which Eddie played the bass on) (?) I think was the name in-between 5150 and OU812. Some idiot fan at a Hagar concert thought Sammy quit Van Halen and so he held up a sign that said “Van Halen sucks”. Hagar burned it on stage. I was at the reunion tour with Hagar in 04 and just to be funny, wrote on the back of our banner, “Hey Dave, I heard Subways hiring”, that section all laughed. Hey, four years later I’m at an almost sold-out show with Diamond Dave at the same arena! Yes, DLR reigned supreme. I paid almost $200 (and missed seeing Mikey) BUT, I got to see Eddie & Dave together in the first time since like 1983 when they were in our town the last time. I hope and pray that’s not the last we’ll see of the mighty Van Halen, but in part of the reason I paid that un-godly ticket price, is thinking, with or without Mike – “what if they never tour again. I’ll never live that down.”

Well, enough babbling. I check this news desk a lot and wish I saw more legitimate Van Halen news. BUT, I love reading all the responses from the colorful personalities that reply on here. How ironic that this stupid video short, that’s not even ‘news’ really, or even that funny, would get as many comments as it did.
Rick Pride

Dooley I love you man that’s good stuff. I wish Gore would bring some of his Global Warming to Cincinnati. I’m sick and tired of all this cold weather.
Waldo

I don’t feel tardy.
Panama Red

All of the band members have probably talked crap about each other at one time. Whatever, it’s in the past but it’s kind of interesting to hear. I remember years ago Roth was on the Tonight show w/ Jay Leno and Robin Williams was the other guest. And he was talking about doing shows in Vegas. He said something like “They came out with a new Van Halen chip, but it only gets you into the bathroom.” And Jay said something like “I’m glad to see you’ve moved on and gotten over you’re negative feelings.” It was kind of funny. Then Dave started going on one of his interesting but hard to follow stories, I can’t remember exactly what he said but he mentioned smoking out of a bong. It was hard to follow. Jay said “I think it’s time to change the bong water.” It’s pretty crazy when you can make Robin Williams seem like the calm and easily understandable one. LOL. You gotta love Dave.

I’ve known people and friends who said they thought Dave was gay too. I’ve seen him in a few interviews where I could see how someone might think that. I remember during the Sam and Dave tour, Dave went on the Craig Ferguson show and then Sammy was on the next night and Craig Ferguson was insinuating and joking about Dave being gay. Sammy didn’t really say anything, he just kinda laughed it off.
But I seriously doubt Dave is gay. Like Duck said, I think he is just has a big personality and is flamboyant. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you are gay.
If it came out that Dave was in fact gay it would be kind of hard to take in at first because of his reputation and everything. But ultimately it wouldn’t really matter and I wouldn’t really care.
Rob Halford is gay and he is a Metal God. Someone’s sexuality doesn’t affect how much they Rock!
phillster

I did go to the `04 concert andym; i must have missed ALL those roth songs,you see VHGR puts me to sleep quicker than your mother does,only SHE`S CHEAPER& alot more sloppy:)
-now that`s humor
You and Clubfootcolby should go bowling for pubes cnt
halenhagar

DAVE WHO ?
andym

No phillster, that’s not funny. That’s classless just like you normally are. I assume you haven’t got out much from your parents basement in the last 40+ years to know how to respond like a normal adult.
andym

Well Phillster, you obviously did see a different show in ’04. Unlike the ’07 tour, they actually changed the set list with Sammy from show to show. Dave did the same exact thing every night. Wow, what a great frontman.

And your humor isn’t funny. It’s pretty much a classic example of you – classless. No wonder you never learned how to interact with people…you’ve been living in your parents basement for the past 30 years.
http://none Dirty Duck

halenhagar / andym :

2 fruits wearing winger shirts
phillster

sorry andym,I didn`t realize your mommy actually WAS cheap&sloppy.My apologies.Now go take your “pro-active”
and sit at the Kiddie table while the adults speak.
http://none Dirty Duck

andym:

You’re calling phillster classless but you’re obviously clueless pal!

You are probley part of the 3% of moronic VH fans that felt that dave should have sang hagar songs during the tour! Shit man, even hagar would have called you out on that one!
There are 2 sounds to VH brother: the classic era and vanhagar era. Anytime sam sang a dave song it sounded like
shit…he wasnt into it and it showed. For you or anyone here to make a comment that dave SHOULD HAVE sang hagar era songs during that tour is a joke. The band has been around way before sam drove 55 or became the tequila king. The band smoked all the acts they opened for including hagar. They made enough impact and have enough classic songs that singing a hagar song would be ridiculous. So riddle me this batman: if sam is such a BETTER singer than dave and has a higher range, why would anyone (who’s a hagar fan) want to hear the sam songs sung differently? You make NO sense.
Just remember how many singers wanted to be dave back in the day….not many wanted to be sammy. Remember how many “bastard sons in rock” he’s spawned over the years.
Remember all this…put it in your pipe….smoke it and move on fruity pebble. I’m done with this debate,and im done with morons like you.
phillster

the songs i wrote on that list were taken from various set lists in my collection of boots ranging from `76-`07.so how can they be considered obscure?I think your obscure andym.
I know your paperboy job probably doesn`t earn you enough money to afford these gems,but i highly recommend you ask your mommy for a raise in your allowance and buy a few.I`ll be sure to tip her next time i see her for ya,instead of the usual bitch-slap she gets.
RA812

Cant wait to see what Ol’ SCAR has to say! LOL.
Rock ON Eddie, Rock on Alex, Rock on Mike, Rock on Dave, Rock on Sammy, Rock on Gary, Rock on Wolf and what the Hell…Rock on Mith Malloy!

No matter who is singing we will all still continue to buy the albums and go to the shows to see Eddie.
RA812

oops..Mitch Malloy!
http://none Dirty Duck

RA812:

Not me brother!

Love eddie, but if your frontman sucks you might as well release a solo album.

I aint buyin’ nothin unless the singer is as wild as ed’s guitar!
Madison

That was like, the worst cartoon I have ever seen…ever! Who ever made that is such a nerd! Sammy rules!
Rich

Wow, Phillster and Andym…just a couple of little girls arguing about what tampon size to use.

This is a Van Halen site man. about 90% of the people on here can actually appreciate another’s opinion and don’t have to write like a complete moron to get that across. The regulars on here show that on every single post…yet you guys can’t seem to string two sentences together without breaking out some shitty slur.

Sammy left the band about 14 years ago, Dave originally left it 26 years ago…its done to death already. Get your heads out of your assess and either write something that we can all appreciate or don’t bother coming back here.
phillster

he started it
andym

Duck – when you speak it just sounds like crap coming out. You make no sense at all.

Phillster – of course they did those songs from ’76 – ’07 (more like ’76 – ’84). They had to…if it was the Women and Children First Tour they obviously did at least 6 or 7 songs from it that album and I’m willing to bet they never played 3 or 4 of those on the 1984 tour. Speaking of kiddie tables, that’s where you find adolescents like you who STILL refer to mommy jokes as if it’s still something cool to do. Get a clue pal. How about you try to skip past the ’80s/’90s and maybe join the rest of us in the 2000′s? Ok? Maybe before your next attempt at poking fun will mention phrases like “daddy-O” and “make like a tree and split”.

Rich – this doesn’t concern you but since you decided to join in I’ll address you too. I am a VH fan of any version (except the failed Cherone attempt). My beef is that I can’t understand how Eddie basically since 1984 has decided to turn his back on the music HE created. Any other band that has changed lead singers (Boston, Journey, AC/DC, etc) has ALWAYS played the entire catalog. If anyone is a bitch or “little girl” about this topic it’s Eddie. How’s that for something to “appreciate”???
halenhagar

If it looks like a DUCK, walks like a DUCK, quacks like a DUCK, then it must be a DAVID LEE ROTH fan, not a Van Halen fan.
Stop putting the blame on Sammy. Van Halen had their time in the 70′s-80′s and they had their time in the 80′s and 90′s so what if they are all washed up with Dave now. Van Halen was Great during the 78-96 life span and floundered like a fish out of water after Sammy left the band never to regeain their Popularity, well there was a little spurt whith the new material during the 2004 G.H. and the 3 songs that would have made another #1 with Sammy Hagar and Van Halen, but as usual Eddie blew that.
nick

Is that a cutlass I see them driving? Niiice riiiidddeeeee maaaan.
Mark

Wow, a Sam vs. Dave argument, how original.

Never seen one of these before.
Careyvanhalen

Van Halen with Dave redefined rock music forever. No ballads,just pure Rock n Roll the way it should be done. Sammy turned them into Journey or Foreigner, not that I don’t like those bands, but not near as important, innovative, and special as the first 5 VH albums.