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Jamie Crying

August 19, 2008 24 Comments

From The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

LOS ANGELES—According to local authorities, Jamie, 17, is crying, reportedly over a post-coital rejection by rock star David Lee Roth. “Although Jamie would feel better if she wrote David a letter, she is crying,” said former Van Halen manager Eddie Arnesen. Though sources say Jamie has been in love before, and that she knows what love is for, in this case it was a mere one-night stand, and love should be more than that. Arnesen added that despite the fact that when Roth and Jamie parted, the long-haired, vinyl-clad rocker said, “Gimme a call some time,” Jamie knows what that will get her.

Filed Under: David Lee Roth, Humor, Van Halen
  • Adam

    Love it!

  • SCOTT HUGHES

    All I can muster up to give on this reply is WTF?????

  • http://VHND SCOTT STONECIPHER

    what did ya think dave wasnt gettin any hahaha go get um dave

  • Guitarman

    OKKKKKKKKKKKK?????? We all know the lyrics to the song but………..????

  • Robby Venice

    .She must’ve been ‘hot for teacher’ then became a ‘girl gone bad’.Why the ‘runaround’.'everybody wants some’ thats why dave had ‘one foot out the door’ when she said ‘could this be magic?’ he was ‘runnin with the devil’ . Giggity!

  • Chris

    must be a slow news day – really stupid

  • Adam

    To the confused people – here’s “The Onion” website description on Wikipedia:

    The Onion is an American “fake news” organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news.

    The Onion’s articles comment on current events, both real and imagined. It parodies traditional newspaper features, such as editorials, man-on-the-street interviews, and stock quotes, as well as traditional newspaper layout and AP-style editorial voice. Much of its humor depends on presenting everyday events as newsworthy items, and by playing off of commonly used phrases, as in the headline “Drugs Win Drugs War.”

  • Rehash

    @Adam: I was about to post the same thing. I don’t think many VH fans are familiar with The Onion!

  • http://www.lunchboxunlimited.com Lunchbox

    BWAAAAAAH-HA-HA-HA!!!
    Too funny.

    Thanks for sharring that regardless of twits understanding.

    BRAVO!

  • mindbinge

    She also has Drop Dead Legs…and a Pretty Smile :)

  • Chris

    It doesn’t matter what “The Onion” is it’s still a stupid waste of time and if you think it’s funny you are the twit

  • BlindBubbaCheeks

    That shit was awesome. The Onion comes up with some really funny stuff now and again.

  • Matt from Austrlaia

    Is this really the most exciting thing going on in the world of Van Halen at the moment? How about giving us – THE FANS – some real news. There must be something the VHND can tell us about the supposed “exciting new prospects on the horizon” as stated on the official website. Do some digging, something must be happening………

  • http://VHND JCN

    OK, nevertheless, great sight. Keep up the good work

  • Robby Venice

    i think the posting is to show Van Halens popularity,,,,just as they would do fake news about anyone else who is hot at the moment…way to go onion! Hey chris,you seem a little perturbed…….

  • Robby Venice

    By the way…..has anypone noticed that since people have been commenting on here the website has been more active?….maybe its just me….

  • Chris

    Not perturbed dude, but I agree with Matt – where is the real news? This is a great site but who wants to waste their time reading fake stories?

  • theREALchris

    It’s the internet dude….EVERYONE is wasting their time!!!

  • theREALchris

    Uh…except those making this site!…hehehe…whoops…

  • Dave

    Chris says:

    August 20th, 2008 at 10:20 am
    Not perturbed dude, but I agree with Matt – where is the real news? This is a great site but who wants to waste their time reading fake stories?

    YO CHRIS:

    It’s called “humor.”

    Try and find some.

    I guess you tune out “Saturday Night Live” when “Weekend Update” comes on…

  • Tim

    You gotta love The Onion (are there really people who still haven’t heard of it in this day and age?), but this is from November ’96. Not sure why it’s just popping up now. Good stuff, though.

  • Chris

    Yo Dave,

    Humor is supposed to be funny. Saturday Night Live sucks too.

  • http://lunchboxunlimited.blogspot.com Josh Peters

    Lighten up, Chris.
    Your attitude SUCKS as hard as your sense of humor or lack there of.

  • DAVID

    Hilarious. C’mon people. The Onion !!! It’s an honor just to be Lampooned in it. Slow news day….shesh. Try reading something besides Popular Mechanics and Penthouse.