Eddie called in to Howard Stern’s SIRIUS Satellite Radio show last month and dished the latest dirt on Van Halen.

Highlights included:

• announcing that he and a partner had discovered a cure for cancer.
• speculating that his tongue cancer was caused not by his decades of cigarette smoking, but rather by electromagnetic energy emanating from his studio gear that was channeled to his tongue thanks to his habit of holding a metal guitar pick in his mouth while playing.
• expressing displeasure about Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony touring as “The Other Half.”
• claiming that he is still open to a reunion with David Lee Roth.
• revealing that he and Alex have been in the studio working on new material that features Ed’s son, Wolfgang, on bass; that Wolfgang is now a member of Van Halen; and that Ed is also working on a solo album that will feature Wolfgang.

Ed also took some jabs at his band’s former singers and (apparently former) bassist, referring to Sammy as “The Little Red Rocker” and “The Little Red Worm” (the latter in reference to Sammy’s tequila business); Michael as “Sauce Sobolewski” (a reference to Mike’s new hot sauce venture coupled with the bassist’s real last name); and David Lee Roth as “Cubic Zirconia” (a.k.a. Diamond Dave).

Some worthwhile accounts of the interview are available online at HowardStern.com and RollingStone.com.

The bulk of the Rolling Stone article—which was written by Andy Greene and titled “Eddie Van Halen Goes Bananas on Howard Stern”—follows: